10/02/2013

Looking For Mr. Right


Mid Century Modern Blue Sofa - krrb.com
Our living room sofa (heck, our only sofa) has lasted longer than I ever expected. It was comfortable and well built, but then it got ugly after years of use and three kiddos. It was also plaid. Don't ever buy a plaid sofa! You will rue the day. Nothing goes with a plaid sofa. It's the furniture equivalent of plaid Bermuda shorts and dark socks. A comfy but fashion challenged fatherly sort of sofa. I would gaze sadly at pretty patterned rugs and pillows, knowing they couldn't be mine. Eventually I put an off-white wonderfully neutral slip cover over it and life became happy again...pretty pillows, a nice graphic area rug, bright colored accents. But now a few years later the cushions aren't quite as comfy as they used to be and the slip cover can be annoying. It's a constant battle to keep it all tucked in and looking tidy. I also have to monitor people's backsides. Dark wash or new denim jeans are taboo when it comes to white or light furniture. It's kind of embarrassing to ask someone to please not sit on the sofa, or to quickly toss down a throw blanket before their rear end hits the cushions.

At any rate, I'm soooooo ready to grant an amicable divorce to... let's call him Plaid Chad. It's not that I've found someone else. Not yet anyway. I can't even ask for a separation because then I'd have nothing. But I have a roving eye and I'm always on the prowl. 

Here are the qualities I'm looking for in a new Mr. Right. He would have trim mid-century lines. Maybe he'd even be mid-century which would mean he'd be age appropriate for me. He'd sport a pair of nice wood legs. Slender ankles are fine. I kind of prefer it over beefy gams. No skirts or ruffles though because I don't want a cross-dressing sofa. I'd prefer a tight end back. I don't just want some everyday Joe that anyone else can have either. He needs to be his own man. He has to have personality and a real sense of style. And he'd be dressed in blue, something with a nice texture and soft feel to run my hands over. I may be picky but at this stage of my life I'm not going to settle for second best. 


A few days ago, late in the afternoon, I plopped down on Plaid Chad for some laptop time. Sorry...that sounds a little kinky. Anyway, I clicked over to Craigslist and was yawning my way through the recliners and entertainment centers when suddenly... there he was!! A genuine mid-century guy with almost all the right attributes. A little saggy maybe but I could whip him into shape, and with some new blue threads to replace his 70's avocado green leisure suit he'd be perfect! Oh my god, he was a looker!! He had manly hardwood trim just like I wanted and his legs were exactly right. Just the right size...not too big and not too small. Because size really does matter. And best of all...he was FREE to the first taker. My heart was having palpitations by this time. 

The ad said he would go to the first person who responded that would be able to move him. If the ad was still posted he was still available! I quickly dashed off an email to claim him. It looked like my Mr. Right was sitting on the curb just waiting for a ride. Waiting for me. Why hadn't I looked at Craigslist earlier in the day? I waited by my inbox with bated breath, checking it every few minutes. I emailed the link to my husband at work and he even thought Mr. Right was a cool looking dude, and was willing to go with me to pick him up. That's just how we swing around here. 

I decided to go back and take another gander at Mr. Right. Maybe copy and paste him for some desktop eye candy. Wait! Wait! Wait! Where was he? He was just there a minute ago! I went back to click on the link I had emailed to my husband. And then this happened. "This posting has been deleted by its author." NOOOOOOOOOOO! Wailing and gnashing of teeth. That couldn't be! He was meant to be mine! We could have been so good together. And now he was gone before we even had a chance to get to know one another. He's probably hanging out with a bunch of guys on the porch of a frat house now or heading up north to a musty old hunting cabin. I can hardly bear to think of it. My figurative tears fell on Plaid Chad's arm. He held me and comforted me, always faithful, but no doubt snickering behind my back. 

I'll never forget you Mr. R. You'll always be the one that got away. And I never even got a picture to remember you by.

UPDATE: Just found a possible contender on Craigslist. $45! This sofa...


...could be this! May have found the new Mr. Right that will make me forget about the other one.

via Emily Henderson

No comments:

Post a Comment